What I'm about to tell you comes as quite a shock. It seems that cameras do this thing whereby they record what people say and do via electrical pulses stored on media such as magnetic tape or "hard drives". Then, wonder of wonders, sound and pictures can be sent everywhere over the air waves, internet connections and other wires, hidden from my sight no less. What is this, the future already?

So, as you might expect, it's getting really hard to fool you anymore, so I'm going to have to resort to telling you what I actually said a second and third time, then repeating the version that makes me look good over and over again until you forget the first thing. In some cases I might also append my previous comments, or adjust the "context", bewildering you into thinking you may not actually understand the English language. I can do this a lot since you really don't care and secretly suspect you are an idiot anyways, but don't want to call attention to yourself.

I think this will work. If you have any suggestions on how to beat this irritating "communications technology" thing, let me know. Ultimately, I don't think it will catch on, I mean really, who wants to know a bunch of stuff anyways - it just seems like too much work.