I noticed it when the channel stopped changing. I looked down at the remote to make sure I had the right one of a thousand buttons that I'll never use. Between the "Return" and "My DVR" buttons, I saw a button simply labeled "Live".

I pushed it and the cable box shut off. I pushed it again, but the set remained off - obviously not a toggle button. It was mildly irritating, because I hadn't planned on the action the button described being so literal. But with the TV off, I considered the humoristic qualities of this discovery: it's very possible that this cable box, the third one I've had replaced for malfunction, was just messed up. Maybe some circuitry was crossed and my button was sending on the same frequency as the power signal. Perhaps "Live" was supposed to take me to a channel no one would pay for - a camera pointed at me in the living room, watching myself on TV, watching myself on TV, watching myself on TV. Apparently my show show was having some problems, or my ratings had dipped, or I had lost my edge after 23 seasons, because it appeared that I couldn't afford decent guests or set furniture.

Somewhere, an incredibly cynical assembly line worker or cable installer who saw the opportunity to illustrate social commentary through me is busy hatching their next scheme. This time it was enough to make me put down the remote and go work out, which I guess is as good a response to a semi-poignant existential experience as they're going to get. My remote also has a "Play" and "Rewind" button, both excellent ideas but I guess not yet possible with our current reliance on the Asian electronics market.