Brandon: I submitted one of those Wired magazine ads with a US patent worksheet on it to the patent office - you know, the small hard drive then whatever you wanted it to be attached to ...signed, you, the inventor.

Ted: You'll get a patent, they love to hand 'em out

Brandon: So anyways, I sent it and got this very annoyed women calling me asking what the hell I thought I was doing. I thought I was getting a patent. The ad SAID I would, so I wrote my idea on the provided bar coaster.

Ted: heh. Did you send $80?

Brandon: No. And it turns out that's not how the US patent office does things, on food service paper-products, I mean. And also, I am never ever to do that again - EVER - because "this went all over the PTA". I was incredulous, "the government has a PTA?"

Ted: PTA?

Brandon: Yeah, so I'm like, can I join the PTA. You know, so when my government comes home with 4 B's and a D, I'll know who to call for makeup assignments. But it's not something you can join. Apparently, the PTA is a giant systym whereby my idea reaches as many people's desks as possible and pisses them off so they call her. So, I told her not to steal my idea or use it for resting any frosty bevereages on top. I'll be getting my "patent package" in 4 - 6 weeks. I said that would be fine but in future, you shouldn't use false advertising to identify would-be inventors. I doubt if I've learned anything from all this.

Ted: If you thought it was a valid idea, who is she to say that other people won't too?

Brandon: I probably should have said something about the cotton gin, but I think it was her lunch hour...

Ted: Yeah who would have ever thought that would taste good?