(Posted to Friendster 07/06/05)

Name: Karl Marx
Gender: Male
Interested in Meeting People for: Friends, Activity Partners
Age: 85
Hometown: Prussia (my hood), China (Representin'!), Cuba

Affiliations:
Socialism, The Rosenbergs, The DNC, Michael Bakunin, Communist Correspondence Committee, Air America, France

Hobbies and Interests:
Dueling, Crushing Individualism, Dominos, Upholding failed ideologies, Containment (Ha! I'm kidding I'm kdding!!!)

Favorite Books:
"Communist Manifesto ", "The German Ideology", "Hollywood Wives", "Where's Waldo"

Favorite Movies:
THX 1138, The Crucible, I Was A Communist for the FBI, American Pie (1 and 2 NOT 3)

Favorite Music:
Fleetwood Mac, Sound of my own voice, Detention Camp loud speakers

Favorite TV Shows:
CNN, NBC, Meet the Press, The View, Fox (Just kidding, but that Paige Hopkins is hot)

About Me:
I'm an easy going guy (provided you're not religious or hold differeing ideas than me). I'm great at knowing what's best for you. I'm accommodating as long as I hang out in small, insulated groups which is where I find that best company (and tend to make the most sense) but don't do well in large groups. Some say I'm a bit dangerous and that I'm needy but those people just haven't been properly "introduced" to my personality (which I'm confused by - I've been around for awhile - why does no one recognize me?). Um, I enjoy a good class war, convincing people that nothing is their own fault (and that they can't improve by their own will), and a good strong central government under which all traces of a free people can be erradicated. See you around!

Who I Want to Meet:
Looking for lackidasical, limp-wristed, paralyzed, and guilty members of the elite Upper-crust to throw dinner parties with. Must lack understanding of a healthy, functioning economy and be able to place complete trust in me (not like God but "A God"). I like to think of my perfect soulmate as being sympathetic to an ideology that has caused incredible death and turmoil in the 20 century but can dismiss it becuase "that's not the way it was intended." Are you young, have no concept of history and feel an almost militaristic duty to "help the little guy" no matter where that leads? Than I'm the guy for you!

According to the Survey of Income and Program Participation (SIPP), implemented by the U.S. Census Bureau, 20.6% of the American Population, or about 54 Million people, live with some level of disability. That's approximately 1 in 5. Here is a diagram:



There exists different kinds of disabilities that pose unique challenges to individuals as they work with electronic technology specifically. We will discuss several of the disabilities in brief terms in order to familiarize you with them.

Cognitive Disability
This person habitually misinterprets carefully planned illustrations. In the case of cell phones, they have been known to assert that "1" is actually the Power Button because the diagram says so while simultaneously using the number "1" to read the corresponding key that says "This is the Power Button". Often the best way to make technology more usable for this set of special citizens is to charge them a lot more money as an incentive to pay attention. Our society has not yet embraced mercy killing as a legal defense when dealing with the Cognitively Disabled.

Hearing Disability
This person will ask your opinion, listen intently to your suggestions, then do exactly what they wanted in the first place, such as plug 4 computers into one UPS power supply. Often this disability is accompanied by the often-convenient Inability to Connect Cumulative Events (ICCE).

Visual Disability
Sometimes visually disabled people have trouble seeing things in plain daylight, resulting in painful episodes where he or she must be confronted with their disability. Web pages with text on them are confusing to this person and things often "should just do what I want." Helpful metaphors such as arrows are lost on this person - you are ultimately to blame for their frustration. Also, the sufferer will swear that seemingly unrelated things have a lot in common - visually, even though saying "visually" after sentence doesn't add anything to the conversation and only uses up valuable oxygen.

Speaking Disability
While modern technology is slowly reducing the need to communicate via speech, being able to express oneself verbally is still very necessary. The Speaking impaired will often say disabled things like, "there is no way to align an image" or, "I want it to do something I never asked for or mentioned." Another common sign is repetition of the word "cool" which will be used to end a conversation when the sufferer runs out of developed thought.

I am looking to hold a dinner for friends in Gainesville soon and was hoping you were still doing guest appearances. I was thinking we could add a little twist - after talking this over with several people, the general consensus seems to be: James Bates = not funny; James Bates in a sack of wolverines being beaten by GatorTextbooks while yelling out in horror in a faked Deliverance accent = funny. If you can accommodate, we will of course discuss payment of your normal appearance fee, which if I remember correctly, works out to roughly four beers and dinner for two at the Reitz Union. You just cannot put a price on esoteric!

Hugs and Kisses,
Brandon