My Parent's have put up with a lot from me. I have not been an easy child to raise and I don't think I could have done any better with me either. As it appears that many of my friends will be having little versions of themselves running around soon, I have compiled some rather generic life-events and tried to suggest what they mean.

1. Your son is caught watching members of the JV Cheer Leading Squad changing outside the locker room because he jammed the door from the inside.
ANSWER: Apply for Building Construction scholarships.

2. He asks you questions about cologne but phrases it, "What do you wear so I can avoid it?"
REACT: Groom for International Relations.

3. When questioned about school, your son answers, "Rocko's having some trouble with Principal Clark, but if he doesn't pay up within the week, it's kneecap city if you know what I mean"
REACT: Move to Jersey, set up a Family Business.

4. You've ever heard anything remotely like this: "...first-degree burns over most of his torso, we're pretty certain he was trying to impress his classmates..."
REACT: His scientific mind is just straining to get out - start thinking Berkeley or CIT.

5. Your calls have ever been "screened" by "Jenny, a friend from School", last name: "No he can't talk now (giggle)".
REACT: He has a secretary who's helping him with time management.

6. When asked about the whereabouts of your "Best of the Commodores" album you loaned him for his schools' "All Night Talent Show", he replies, "Yeah...I kinda left it - at school ...at school. And there may be a problem getting it back."
REACT: Your son thinks very little of material things, and you've raised him to tell the truth.

You're watching a news report about 2 teens caught mid-coitus near the edge of town. Always the concerned and civic-minded citizen, your son tears down the hall and exclaims, out of breath, "Where did they say that was?"
REACT: He's going to make quite a journalist one day...