I responded to a listing for a group house on Craig's list by describing myself in something like
4 paragraphs, covering my job, interests, plans, personality, etc. Pretty standard stuff one would need to know about a potential roommate. I mentioned, among other things, "I'm going crazy in
suburbia", "[I'm] active with a few pick-up sports teams", and that I, "frequently enjoy social settings like parties (even throwing them)". I felt pretty confident sending it - no one could be turned off by such an amicable disclosure of one's personal life, I thought. The world I live in is made up of happy, benevolent, and interesting human beings and each connection promises new knowledge and experiences.

Here's what I got back:
"This is a serious professional adult environment, quiet, non-smoking/drugs, and we do not have parties, although one is allowed to socialize. Perhaps you may need to search for a location that is conducive to your enthusiastic environment. Thank you for your inquiry."

Damn. He didn't mention the animal sacrifices I specifically asked about. This guy took me apart, and for good reason - I am completely and 100% unprofessional. Now that I'm faced with it, I should just embrace my unprofessionalism.

The following is the case against me, as best I can construct, without a proper reading of "The Idiots Guide to Law".

The Facts
1. I typed the email while at work, not on my lunch break - Right away, an act most unprofessional. And he must have known, I mean, I sent it during business hours, when I should be performing mindless, repetitive task for the benefit of the hive. Also, that same day I had a fellow employee hold a Mango slicing demonstration.

2. My email contained spelling erros - how less professional can I be. I think my cell phone even has a spell checker. It's not that I can't remember how to properly spell "Horsdevors", I simply can't afford to - I'm saving space for full motion, uncompressed memory of when I finally sleep with Mila Jovovich.

3. I did not provide a bibliography - Not only did I forget to cite at least 10 sources and foolishly risk plagiarising my own life, I also didn't remember to forget that I should use inline notation, thus angering the MLA Manticore, the mythical being who meets you at death ready to punishes you for every misplaced semicolon, ever.

4. I am a Graphic Designer - art is not a profession, everyone knows that. I don't know even the slightest bit about finding, securing, or working a REAL job. Shame on me. I need to be honest and introduce myself as unemployed.

My reply, after careful consideration of my obvious inadequacies:

"Dear Sir: Yikes. I guess, thanks for the tip. No need to clarify, but that felt like a rap on the
nose. Good luck with your serious adult environment, where one is allowed to socialize. I will be
sure to toast proper behavior, vertically integrated business, and vitamin supplements at the bar tonight while enjoying my Tom Collins. Cherrio!"