On Saturday night I dropped by the 9:30 club to hear a band known as "The Clarks" who, it can be learned from their web site, have been making fine music since 1986. "Fine music?" I thought to myself, trying really, really hard to remember what 1986 looked like let alone what the music scene was. The only thing I came up with was that I lived through 1986 without trauma, so this led me to conclude that I could tolerate a trip down memory lane and see what this mid 80's rock group had up its sleeve.

From the first hit of drummer Dave Minarik's oversized drumsticks to the final power chord of Robert Jame's well-traveled guitar, I was in rock and roll heaven. Here's the thing: it's no secret that rock has gotten either really glam or really pretentious with the proliferation of bands like Fall Out Boy (the former) and Death Cab (the latter). Both of those bands are appreciated by their respected audiences, but when you listen to them, you immediately feel the restricted confines of their musical range, which, again, is not entirely without merit since it takes talent to do great things within a certain artistic style (Note: I use the word "great" on a sliding scale - I do not think Fall Out Boy is "good" let alone "great", but their fans do. This is why I will never go to another Warped Tour). What you don't hear too much anymore is genuinely appreciable rock that makes you remember why the hell you listen in the first place; Clark's bassist Greg Joseph puts it simply, "American. Guitar. Rock."

I have a special place in my heart for Better Than Ezra and the Gin Blossoms and listening to the Clarks' front man, Scott Blasey, it hit me that the Clarks are what you would get if you combined both of those bands into one super, southern rock monster. But there's an inherent conflict here, one that led me to question as many hardcore Clark's fans as I could who weren't hotter than my last girlfriend (I am a realist). Not one of the 8 dancing women I hit on could tell me why a band from Pittsburgh was singing about New Orleans (like both BTE and GB), using references like "butterflies", "cigarette burns" and "fourth of July" (all very common and beloved southern rock visual devices, a la Sister Hazel and Wallflowers), as well as mixing the off-hand beat box sample, commonly found on (later) tracks by Train and BTE. Answers ranged from "because they f****** rock, man" and "who the hell are you" and "hey, that's my girlfriend". Fine. At any rate, I have a hard time understanding why, given the obvious exposure of the Clarks' curious (and displaced) stylings, I couldn't find one audience member who looked even remotely like an SEC graduate who might have, at one time, participated in binge-drinking while proclaiming Lynard Skynard's "Free Bird" to be the height of all musical forms throughout history.

I am, admittedly, biased by the 10+ years I've lived in Florida.

What I do know is that I have seen BTE and Gin Blossoms in concert and, frankly, they left a lot to be desired. I appreciated seeing them, of course, as you do all bands you feel a connection with, but I get the feeling that if you had a reality TV show in which BTE, Gin Blossoms, and The Clarks where all told to go live in the Real World New Orleans's house (we're talking post hurricane Katrina), BTE's Kevin Griffin would get beat up the first episode for "being a little gay-wad" by Greg Joseph (BTE bassist Tom Drummond would be all, "He had it coming, secret handshake mother-"), GB's Jesse Valenzuela would try to patch things up by getting everyone high while Bill Leen (already high) would question Minarik on how he is able to change his facial expressions to fit his mood. What I'm trying to say is that the Clark's have character, even after being together for 20-something years, whereas the other two have basically lost their touch or are at a point where it seems like they are simply putting up with each other as opposed to loving their music like the first time they played it.

Maybe BTE has always been for frat boys, with its not-so subtle references to letters and sororities. And maybe the Gin Blossom's are just melancholy. The Clarks, however, are alive and kicking, smoking, smiling, not-shaving, emotive, and energetic.

I'm a fan, even if I didn't get that last girl's phone number who danced with me in front of the stage.

Had this weird thought last night at around 2PM. Here's how it goes:

So, has anyone ever organized a random dance number, somewhere in the city, at like, the stroke of something? I want to see how hard it would be to re-create the "Shake it up baby" number from Ferris Bueller, you know, where all these people show up during the song, out of nowhere, then dance like crazy, then disband back to their everyday life. This is probably a result of my having watched "Fame" the night before and underestimating its length, so that I stayed up until around 4, hoping that Ralph Garcey would end up with Serena, but when they did, the emotional release just left me feeling depressed that I didn't get to see the blonde ballerina topless.

I was thinking it would take: several boom boxes with wireless recievers from a laptop that a plant would run. The people would show up over time, and take their places so as not to be conspicuous, like up to an hour before they were suppossed to go on. Radios would be important, group captains would have them, they would be cued. The whole thing would begin when people were in place, then people run in, dance for like, 15 minutes, then leave.

We're talking acrobatics, etc. Regular street clothes, maybe even business suits or uniforms. I want it to be about demonstration (but the positive affect it can have) and spirit and spectacle.

I was hoping there was a way that someone musically inclined could take songs and mix them in a way that they could be extended, like say, a 15 - 20 minute version of Shake it up Baby, but that might be too long - the performances need to be brief, succint, and disband quietly and deliberately. Imagine if 200 hundred people showed up, danced, then resumed life, like in a freakin' broadway musical or Austin Powers movie.

If this works, we'll do a version of "Hot Lunch" - just like how it was at MY highschool.