What's a quick way to turn someone off? For one, tell a racist joke. It's foolproof, especially if that person is a perfect stranger. The reason this works so well is because a) you have to be really sure of yourself and b) assume the position your taking is immediately understood and accepted. The old punch-in-the-arm "am-I-right?" routine. There's a word for this: ignorance. Ignorance to a point of view not held by yourself. And if you think it's awkward by the water cooler, imagine what happens when a corporation makes the same faux pax in plain view of millions of citizens.

In March's issue of Wired Magazine, I ran into a full page Chevron Ad entitled "There are 193 countries in the world. None of them are energy Independent" which features (we're supposed to believe) the cluttered desk of a well-meaning Chevron employee whose concern with the environment has led him or her to leave their hastily compiled notebook open for a picture-perfect snapshot. It couldn't be any more contrived, but that's the visual language corporations are using to speak to us lately. What I was drawn to was the incredibly disappointing and frank message in the notebook, pictured below:


I don't really know where to start with this but I'll mention a few things that really tick me off. For starters, way to really abstract the entire energy debate. According to Chevron, just because Saudi Arabia imports refined petroleum it means that "energy independence is an unrealistic goal". Well, that's great to know, let's just throw in the towel. If I sometimes come up with a demonstrably bad idea, I should just stop thinking altogether. Obviously I should leave that to someone else more capable, someone with delicious Kool-Aid. The advances we've made in clean energy are scaring the crap out of currently entrenched energy companies. So they disparage and brow-beat instead of admit they are behind. Hey, you're invited to the party, Chevron - don't hate, participate.

And also, what is this unapologetic suggestion that energy security (what the hell?) will be "a result of... engagement"? Like the kind of engagement that silenced Ken Saro-Wiwa? Or the kind of engagement that involves Nigerian soldiers using a Chevron helicopter and Chevron boats attacking villagers in two small communities in Delta State, Opia and Ikenyan, killing at least four people and burning most of the villages to the ground? Because it sounds like that. And even if that's not what was meant, the implication is creepy.

Finally, that line about flowing "freely across borders"; this is the final straw in my opinion. Corporations are not accustomed to dealing with the traditional idea of "countries" and "geography" being that they often are able to import and enforce their own rules rather than those already in place. Saying this outright in the ad means they really don't give a damn about Human Rights regulations in developing nations or ecological concerns at all - after all, who can bother with these things while they're flowing lugubriously from place to place? And how about that metaphor - "flow freely", like oil itself. I kinda want to puke its so blatant.

I for one am pretty impressed by the climate we live in that would inspire any company to write such a bold-faced confession of one's ideals so plainly and so candidly. At least they aren't hiding anymore. Maybe we should be opening up more notebooks over there at Chevron.