Today I witnessed the best of the worst one man dramas ever to take place over the miracle that is group chat. As probably the only person who cares, I get to name it - so, I'm tentatively calling it "Untitled Performance with Keyboard and File Sharing Program" but it's probably already better known as "Thousands Ignore Anti File Sharing Giant's Attempt to Scare You Off of SolarSeek".

What follows is the kind of disaster technology scenes that people really love to believe. Let's listen in...

(krazer01, an unsuspecting file sharer, probably in his teens, finishes shooting up, punching his dog and praying to Satan, then logs into SolarSeek)

krazer01: virus
krazer01: o shit
krazer01: my pc is goin down
krazer01: kfwejfd
krazer01: wtf
krazer01: wtf
krazer01: a mesage came to me and said that my sistem will be fucked up from soulseek
krazer01: my antivirus is goin crazy
krazer01: wtf
krazer01: something is goin wron in this room
krazer01: to many viruses
krazer01: wtf
krazer01: wfefsd

(krazer01 feels his machine heating up, then, realizing he has but seconds to live, resolutely reaches his hand under his chair and brings it back holding the pin of a live grenade. The sound of breaking wood and glass turns krazer01's head to his door where DRM Agents are amassing, weapons drawn. End Scene)

Things like this are so inane they shouldn't exist - and so obviously fake that they DON'T exist but for the money it takes to pay someone to type a few times a day during peak downloading times. Now, I've become more aware of the technological fear campaign involving computers recently mostly because I've reached a point where I can safely discern what is and what isn't possible with a computer. For those of you who still aren't sure, here are a few examples:

Possible: You accidentally delete all your vacation photos
Impossible: Computer dislikes your important files and decides to get rid of them

Possible: You install some goofy software that hijacks your browser
Impossible: Computer picks up your wallet you left while jogging and emails your financial information to heads of world crime syndicates

Possible: There is like, a ton of porn on the Internet and your kids find it
Impossible: Computer traipses through your house during the night clubbing your children

Let's get a handle on this.